Internalised homophobia, almost everywhere I go.
I came from a very religious family, who still to this day project their homophobic ignorance onto me. It was tremendously hard escaping that environment and leaving it to live my life as my authentic self. Because I never felt the love from my brothers and parents growing up, I went out into the world searching for it within other people because I couldn’t find it within me, and when I couldn’t find that sense of love and belonging within others I turned to substance abuse.
I was only 20 when I came out to my family, I thought at that point losing them would be the end of the world but it was the greatest decision I ever made. By the age 22 I had already attempted suicide 5 times. I lost all sense of self, and still by that point the people who were meant to protect and love me still rejected me.
We face internalized homophobia within our community, when we judge others for being ‘too fem’ or ‘too flamboyant’ or ‘too much’. We face it outside our community when we get rejected by our loved ones, our friends, our church and by strangers in the street. And we also face it within ourselves.
I speak about this topic because it’s a major issue not just within our society but also within our community, it creates division and separated us from them. It causes us to resent parts of ourselves and project that onto others who are comfortable within themselves because we have grown to be resented for something that we can’t control.
I’ve seen negative comments online about people within the LGBTI community being ignorant of other people’s gender identities, and sexuality and how they express themselves. I’ve overheard conversations from other gays saying, “You’re the reason why we have such a bad reputation” – about a guy who wears make-up.
We are faced with these kinds of comments and hate from the whole world, the last thing we need is our community turning against one another and creating hate within ourselves and one another.
These kind of comments is not a reflection of who we are and what we stand for, and these kind of comments is what causes people to take their own lives and to turn to substances. If we all just accepted, celebrated and loved one another for who we are and for being too much, we wouldn’t see such a division within our community, our society and within ourselves.
Love will lead the way
Last Updated on Oct 23, 2022